Your Honied lips were meant for me
Remember when you came to tea.
Your fathomless eyes were greeny-blue,
Remember when I came to you.
Your skin was fair
Your hair was gold.
We thought we never could grow old.
And though to age we must defer
You are to me as e’re you were.
THE TONIC WINE
For medicinal reasons only
She drank the tonic wine
Her bank balance was atrocious
But the bottle bank was fine
JUST A MOMENT We’re off to the shops To purchase some chops I’ve opened the nearside car door. She pops out her head Her lips nicely red: “I’ll just be a moment more!” We’re expected at eight At our friends Jack and Kate; It’s Kate’s birthday party today, But my wife’s disappeared It is to be feared There’ll just be a moment’s delay. When we married you see I said “See you at three” But arranged for theservice at seven. She came four hours late Just in time for her fate: A fortunate way to reach heaven. We’ve miles to go And the car’s very slow. It’s not going to get any better. My wife said at last Even ‘though I said ” blast” “Do you mind if I just post a letter?” When I took up this theme With my darling “best dream”, My own little, dear little girlie. She answered me thus Without favour or fuss “You know I just hate to be early!”M
LOVE EVERMORE
My love,my love, I do thee seek
To rest my hand on your soft cheek.
To press my lips in a caress
(I’ll take good care of that mew dress).
And now our bodies do entwine
How good it was that red red wine
I’ll worship you for evermore
Love as I’ve never loved before
SHE RECOVERED
Her husband, he laid down and died.
For days she simply mourned and cried.
That changed one day when she woke and said “God
He really was a rotten sod!”
LETTUCE
The Chinese, they eat Rhino Horn
For personal stimulation.
But we British prefer lettuce leaves
To maintain the population.
The Vitamin E contained therein
Is said to hold a punch
Beyond the purely visual use
Of decorating lunch.
What may seem flaccid or simply limp
Contains a really active imp.
Whatsmore there’s no danger to world wildlife
Well! That’s the message from my wife.
And thank the Lord for Mayonnaise
And lots of good French Dressing.
Whatever goes with Rhino Horn?
Not our problem. That’s a blessing
The lady on the telephone
Asked if my good wife was about
I answered ‘no’
But if my bad one would do
I’d just give her a shout
My uncle went to China
Where he died of loss of weight
Cause he only had one chopstick
And the poor chap never ate
